The pain I speak about is in plain sight but hidden from the world to see. There are so many living in pain, some are in physical pain and some are in emotional pain, many in both. The smiles are courageous but deep inside the hearts are broken, yearning to be mended so forward progress may continue. Ryan lives in physical pain everyday. He has to make daily decisions to take one hour at a time overcoming physical issues and mental battles deciding what he is capable of doing each day. I live in the constant battle of allowing my human emotions to process all the while fully aware that our response to those emotions are 100% a choice. So everyday I make a choice in how I live and respond to these emotions. We live our lives literally day by day with no ability to know what the outcome will be. At this time Ryan’s tumors are regressing (HUGE YAY!), but his ascites is worsening. Anyone that understands ascites understands the uphill battle we face. A battle so few can relate to. A battle that can literally decide life and death. While those words are grim, my soul is full of hope. Ryan also lives with hope and peace. A peace that passes all understanding and one that I have a hard time putting words to. While many wonder why he asks deep questions and why he constantly challenges religious beliefs what most probably do not fully grasp is the peace that he lives with. The questions haven’t always brought him answers, however they have brought him peace. I feel the same peace. I feel the same hope. So we move on, day by day. We move on being who we are, who we love to be, who we choose to be.
No matter our day, no matter our challenges each day we get to decide who we are and who we choose to be. Our choices dictate our being, our being dictates what we do and what we do dictates what we have. ~Caroline Luelf
So, in ending, that simple kiss means everything to him . . . and everything to me. Because that is all we have. At this moment, we have each other and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Live Free. . . Because YOLO!
P.S. Thank you, LV164 & Choice. You have changed my life. Without so many deep realizations of who I am and what I choose to be I’m not sure I could be so strong.
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