Last year during December 2015, January and February 2016 it was hard to blog. It was hard to post. So today I am thankful I can write about what went on those few months. I am thankful Ryan was given a second chance at life.
The body has an innate ability to heal, yet we live as if this were untrue. We are causing disease to ourselves thru toxicity and deficiencies, yet we live as if this were untrue. Until we take responsibility for where we are, we will continue to live as mere lost sheep.
Sometimes I wonder if I ever want to write again. Sometimes I ask myself why have I not already written those 15 blogs that are bursting out of me? . . . Never did I think that the blog would be visited 60,000 times this year. Never once did it cross my mind that the last few blogs I have written would each be read by people all over the world in over 65 countries and several thousand times.
It was as if the gun had just went off at the raceway, but two thoroughbreds had already taken the second quarter turn before we could even get off of the starting blocks. It was the race of our lives and we needed to chase down not just one quarter horse, but two. The cancer quarter horse and the out of control havoc causing fluid horse. It was a race I was afraid we would lose. For the first time in this journey, it was a race I was afraid we had fallen too far behind.
“we should have’s” are only a rabbit chase into a never ending set of possibilities, both positive and negative.
Shouldn’t packing up my husband be a joyous occasion? Is it the fact that I have come to love so many of the nurses, doctors and staff here at CHIPSA Hospital that every goodbye hurts? Is it the fact that we finally get to go home and my heart is happy that the treatments are working? Is it the fact that they have cared for my hubs so well that fear is setting in on what the next 90 days requires of us at home? I imagine its all of the above.
Wow. What a hard day. What an emotional day. I woke up a little earlier this morning anticipating a full day filled with information, meetings and goodbyes. I should have known the day would be filled with strong emotions. But, who can ever be prepared for these types of situations?